Monday, August 31, 2009

One Hundred and Fifty Seven in a row...

Part Nothing

Everyone calm down we are back to normal today. No more terrifying blocks of text to read, or run away from, whatever the case may be.

I did this drawing a few years back and felt like redoing it for serious and in a place more people can see it. (I like the concept personally.) Sooo it's not really original. I am so, so sorry.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

One Hundred and Fifty Six in a row...

Part 4

The dinner had nearly reached it's conclusion. X was lecturing M regarding his newest epic novel. M seemed absolutely enthralled by X's every word much to his delight. X had come to the conclusion that this truly was a woman of sophisticated intellectual tastes.

X leaned over his gold splattered plate and confided in M, "The Bible was an incredible work of fiction but I really felt it left a lot to be desired, particularly in the character development department. My new novel plans to expand on these characters and their motives. I want to make them more believable."

"That should be very interesting. I cannot wait to read it!" said M.

"As soon as I complete it you shall be the first! Though I must you warn you that it may be some time as it is 52 thousand pages after all!."

"That's fine! I love reading long novels. It really gives you a chance to get to know the char-"

At that moment there was a loud crash as the restaurant doors flew open and shattered into a pile of of splintered glass. Into the restaurant walked the most imperfect man anyone had ever seen. His hair was a mess. He was unshaven. His clothes seemed like they hadn't been washed in nearly a week and a woman stood by his side who looked anything but wholesome.

A wave of shock and general dread overcame the entire restaurant. A waiter dropped over 40,000 dollars of melted gold on the floor and immediately lost his job. His wife would divorce him later that evening. A man sitting at one table who was about to take an enormous bite of gold covered pasta accidentally dropped it on his 145,000 dollar suit and wondered if the gold would leave a stain.

He was also smoking which as just about everyone was aware causes several life ending diseases and birth defects in women who are pregnant. Even more shocking was that certain women had been known in more barbaric times to smoke while their children were within two feet of them but this practice had been mostly abolished after the highly successful strategic nuclear explosion re-education program which occurred long, long ago. Fortunately most people could not remember this ever happening and were not inclined to feel sad about it.

Besides all of this it was well accepted that smoking smells bad.

As this abomination of a man made his way through the restaurant several beautiful, nearly perfect women, yet possessing a weak stomach, turned away to avoid throwing up the gold they had recently ingested. One waitress fainted and cracked her skull open causing three other women at another table to faint at this horrendous site.

X turned to see what the commotion that had disrupted his highly stimulating conversation was. He stared in shock for a brief moment at the site of this man who represented all that was indecent.

Regaining his composure he exclaimed, "That man represents all that is indecent!"

"I agree! Simply dreadful!" said M as she began to blush for reasons beyond her understanding.

"Why on earth does he have a sword?!"

Saturday, August 29, 2009

One Hundred and Fifty Five in a row...

Part 3

X had the pleasure of dating many women due to the simple fact that he was quite simply perfect. His recent infatuation was an incredibly fascinating woman by the name of Myrna or M for short or Myr for semi-short. X was particularly in love with her. In fact he was more in love with her than any other woman on the planet which is saying a lot as there were around 5 billion women on this particular planet.

M had beautiful glass-like eyes which were as deep as the ocean and shown as brightly as crystal diamond's and flashed like glowing rubies which kind of fluttered like butterflies - but not really. In addition to all this crap her eyes beamed brightly like a moon over the ocean that was in the middle of a cerulean ocean planet which was filled with diamonds that glittered and sparkled with the power of ten thousand laser beams pointed directly at another planet sized diamond.

M was also a pathological liar.

Fortunately X was not aware of this minor detail and would probably love her just as much if he knew of this minor character flaw that M possessed.

X took M to his favorite high class 7 star supremely delicious post-post modernist restaurant known as, "Excess". The food there was almost perfect. Between eating their extremely high priced delicacy of beef and potatoes covered in gold sauce they had the most stimulating conversation X had ever had or could recall ever having.

Taking a sip form his gold laden, diamond encrusted cup M asked, "How do you like the food? I hope it is to your liking."

To this M replied, "It is quite delicious." However being a pathological liar she was not enjoying it at all. She was well aware that it was not advisable to consume melted gold. Or at least not this much gold. X was very much pleased with himself. He knew this restaurant would impress this laser beam glittery eyed woman. Cerulean ocean.

His second question was even more perfect, "Where do you work?"

M searched her gold smeared plate and stabbed an especially chunky chunk of beef and only after making sure to scrape off most of the melted gold with her diamond encrusted knife she placed it in her mouth.

X sat at the edge of his seat in anticipation for her answer.

M then took a few moments to masticate the beef into oblivion after which she finally replied quite untruthfully, "I'm a nuclear physicist but I occasionally work with disabled children and the elderly. I love children and old people."

This of course was a lie. She actually worked as a janitor at a prestigious nuclear physics lab. Well perhaps this would be called a half lie which was certainly an improvement for M.

M's eyes flashed like laser beams that could melt your face off. X could only dream it were his face being melted by these laser beams in M's eyeballs.

"FASCINATING." said X smiling widely behind his ridiculous mask.

The conversation went on like this through out the remainder of the 54,000 dollar dinner. Neither of them bothered to mention anything regarding legendary prophetical secrets hidden in ominous towers anywhere. X did manage to fall even more in love with M's flashing eyes and her beautiful lies however. He wondered if she would ever want to marry a perfect genius man who makes a gazillion trillion dollars a year and happens to wear a incredibly weird mask.

Friday, August 28, 2009

One Hundred and Fifty Four in a row...

Part 2

The hero of this story is not this man but he is an important character who will have a very important role in parts 9 through 14. This character's name is X. X is a perfect person in every possible way.

As previously mentioned most everyone in this magical fantasy world is pretty close to perfect but X really is perfect in every possible way. Along with being a really nice guy (naturally) he has mastered every kind of science possible leading him to write the book, "Quantum Nuclear Rocket Science". This miraculous book is special in that it manages to relate several different science's together in wholly impossible ways and teach them to the reader in under 20 unlikely minutes with varying results.

It should be noted that X has worn a mask for as long as anyone can remember. Some particularly spiteful individuals claim it is because he is incredibly ugly and would cause death to anyone who gazed upon his "stupid ugly" face. Other less negative people believe he is so perfect in all aspects, especially in regards to his beautiful face, that anyone who saw him would immediately fall in love with him for all eternity. It's always open to debate.

X's other achievements include grand mastery of chess, backgammon, archery, tennis, aikido, karate, and claiming ownership of over 3,000 patents. One of them being a cure all disease curing pill appropriately titled, "Cure All". His yearly income is just under a trillion billion dollars.

He is currently working on his magnum opus, "The New Bible" which is a 52,000 page epic and will probably be an incredibly enjoyable page turner that you simply cannot put down.

Regardless of his brilliance X knows absolutely nothing about any legendary prophetic secrets at the top of any towers anywhere.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

One Hundred and Fifty Three in a row...

Part 1

The happy people lived their blissful and perfect lives under the shadow of the great monolithic tower which contained a long forgotten legend, no a prophesy, it was definitely a prophesy. However everyone had forgotten it due to the lack of any remaining books which cared to mention it.

It wasn't that no one read books anymore (they read lots of books such as The Bible, Shakespeare's plays, Hatchet, and informational books written by the government) it was simply a small important detail that had been neglected and any detail that is neglected long enough simply becomes unimportant to just about everyone. People just happen to forget stuff.

After all no one is perfect despite the fact that most of the people living in this world really did believe they were perfect and they were pretty close to perfect as they showed up at work on time every day of their lives and if they were going to be late they always called in to let their boss know.

There was, of course, a powerful secret government but it's not that they really wanted to hide this major detail from the populace it was simply a minor oversight. The powerful secret behind-the-scenes shadow government was very keen on telling everyone everything including all of the leader's bank account numbers, favorite foods, and secret ulterior motives. These were repeated through out the day (over and over and over) on large screens for all to appreciate.

As it was this very important prophetic legend was forgotten by all the happy people, who could probably care less, yet there it remained balanced precariously at the very top of the very massive and looming and imposing and awesome monolithic tower of prophetic legendary secrets.

I drew this too and I don't really like it (it's kind of stupid) but sometimes people end up liking the stuff I hate so I figure I'd post it anyway.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

One Hundred and Fifty Two in a row...

Just screwing around...

Amo says hi.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

One Hundred and Fifty One in a row...

JET LAG. Whoaoaa....

All the women in Holland look like this. I swear I am not lying - that much!


OMG. Holland is way different than I thought! I totally expected a bunch of windmills and wooden shoes and peeps smokin' weeeed. DUR HUR HUR FUCKING HUR.

I'll tell you what they DO have. Some awesome cappuccino with those awesome tiny waffle cookies I love so much! Woo!

Look at those cookies! AWESOME.

P.S. Internet Explorer I hate you. You make doing something as simple as posting a stupid blog a total pain in the ass. I am downloading Firefox as soon as I have the time.

P.P.S. Who knew taking photos of your drawings with a digital camera could work out so well!?

Monday, August 24, 2009

One Hundred and Fifty in a row...

No matter how bad life gets always remember it can get this much worse but not much worse than this I'm pretty sure. We can all learn a lot from the best video games ever.

This is fan art and an not original idea in any way. I wish I could draw a lot more on this but I have a plane to go to in 15 minutes. I am going to Detroit, MI.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Thursday, August 20, 2009

One Hundred and Forty Six in a row...

District 9

There are a lot of reasons to like District 9. I have illustrated one of them for you here.




Final Review: 8.73 out of 10.

This music is fitting:

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

One Hundred and Forty Five in a row...

David Lynch watches Transformers 2.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

One Hundred and Forty Four in a row...

Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midniiiight!!!

One Hundred and Forty Two and One Hundred and Forty Three in a row...

I return to you from suburbia with some drawings.



Depressing as ever!

And as always more to come...

Actually I have to draw 144 for this day. I'll just post it here later but right now I'm at Kinkos and don't want to hang out here any longer.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

One Hundred and Forty One in a row...

This apple is clearly poisonous.

I am going to be away from computer/internet/scanner/kinkos for a day so there is no update tomorrow. I am just telling you so that you don't get all excited.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

One Hundred and Thirty Nine in a row...

Just as the prophesy promised the Giant Box appears before the planet Earth.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

One Hundred and Thirty Eight in a row...


Tongasaurus recieved it's name for obvious reasons. Aside from looking really stupid it was also one of the shortest lived species of dinosaurs due to it's massive and completely useless tongue. It is believed that most of these dinosaurs eventually bit off their own tongue and bled to death before the age of 2 years.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

One Hundred and Thirty Seven in a row...

All I can think about are explosions.

Nuke your city:

Haha! Asteroids still win so it seems.

Ratatat Nuke Party!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Friday, August 7, 2009

One Hundred and Thirty Three in a row...

The Watcher

Most of you will probably be reading this on August 8th which happens to be my birthday.

My only wish for my birthday is that you take a moment to enjoy some Antonin Dvorak.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

One Hundred and Thirty in a row...

"George you're spilling iiit!!!"

"Shut up Larry! SHUT UP! This is MY fucking retirement party and I'll spill as much champagne as I want!"

Monday, August 3, 2009

Sunday, August 2, 2009

One Hundred and Twenty Eight in a row...

Laser Tank

This edit here is in response to the article my sister linked in the replies. I cannot resist writing what I am about to write here.

Laser Tank Co-Pilot: "Hey. I've been thinking. Don't you think our tank kinda, umm, represents Jesus?"

Laser Tank Pilot: "What the fuck you talking about you dumb shit mother fucker?! Shut the fuck up you fucking idiot! This is WAR not fucking Sunday church! Shit!"

Laser Tank Co-Pilot: "Waaaaaaah!!!!"

So says the Laser Tank Pilot.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

One Hundred and Twenty Seven in a row...