Saturday, August 2, 2014
Wide shot of me, in cowboy hat, on horse standing in open prairie.
Cut to close up on face. Face is to right side of screen. Plains behind.
Now, I talk to camera and say: "Fellow Americans, my candidate is a really nice guy. In fact, if I were not running for congress, I would choose him, except I am running for congress, so I must choose me. In addition to being a nice guy, my opponent is a loving father and has made wise decisions about several bills which I would agree with. In addition, he is much better looking than myself and he is better at several sports than I am. Did you know that he volunteers his time to visit the sick and elderly, it's true. He is a man of character and he has my vote, or he would, but I am running against him and considering that I would like to win, I suggest you vote for me, as I will do when November 2nd comes. Thank you for your time and if you see my opponent walking the streets, please shake his hand and ask how his daughter is doing. I understand she has recently broken her leg. Very sad."