$13,454,958,181,237.88

My fellow Americans, I feel your pain! I feel it everyday in the letters you send me and the Youtube rants I watch during my lunch break. That's why I am calling for congress to take action on my new tax plan. I call it the "Happiness Up, Taxes Down" tax plan. It will save lives, it's economically viable. Here, take a look at this simple graph.

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There is truth to be found in this world yet.

I wish I was on a business trip. During my business trip, late one night, I would go to the convenience store and buy several kinds of sugary snacks plus a bag of chips. On my way back to my hotel I would jay walk across four lanes of traffic. My dress shirt would be a light blue and my tie a pleasant complimentary color.

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So much to think about.

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Just because you read a few books, that doesn't mean you actually know anything.

Reading can make you a certified genius.

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If you're feeling underappreciated today, just print this out and staple it to your face.

510

"Today on Fox News we have George Orwell!!"

"Hel-"

"Shut up, George! You're a socialist aren't you!? Why do you hate America? What do you mean some are more equal?"

"What?"

"RABBLE RABBLE"

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When the inevitable nuclear apocalypse hits the only clothes left will be surplus long johns. Lovely!

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I thought all the birthday beers were gone but I found one hiding in my fridge. Happiest day of my life.

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It's too hot.

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Terror of the Wastes.

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People ask me if I still draw and it's hard not to say, "Oh everyday. I'm at nearly 500 drawings in a row now!"

Because that just sounds ridiculous.

***

"Mom! Dad's crawling around on the floor," said Roy, walking back to the kitchen to get two more cookies. His wife rushed into the living room, stopping inches from where he crouched on his hands and knees. She stared down, glaring at Laz, and said, "What are you doing? Why are you on the floor? You think this is funny? It's not funny. We have guests in ten minutes and they won't think you're funny crawling around on the floor. You're like a big stupid kid you know that?"

***

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Keep trying, someday you'll win. You'll win everything.

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Ha!

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